The best year of my life..

(This is one of my favourite photos from 2009)

Earlier today, I was just thinking about something. Something about how 2009 affected me. And come to think of it, it was one of the best years of my life and I gained a lot of experience in different areas.

For example, I took several finishing tests in school where I actually did quite well. I also had the longest flirt, I've ever had. I started high school, and took a couple of tests there as well, and they'll be on my diploma (an A and an A+). I had stress (which was not positive in it self but it might affect me in a good way), I was in London and I paid for it myself, I started to have a better sense in fashion, I learned not all people are to be trusted, I learned how to cope with being trambled on, I learned that it's easier to smile at annoying little details instead of being mad, I learned that I have to step up for myself, I learned that posting your opinion about stuff including someone you're close to can have severe effects, and most importantly I learned that the only opinion I can trust is my own.

There's not much to say about the tests I took. They went well, I'm proud, period. But about that flirt-thingy. It actually started quite early in the year. Around the beginning of january, I think. I had never spoken to him, though we were on the same school and had been for 8 years. But one day when my french teacher didn't show up, he was just there. He started asking me questions about me, and he also teased me because my life was quite boring (it still is.. haha). He started to say hi on the hallways and I didn't think a lot more about it. I've never been good at talking to boys, it actually makes me very uncomfortable. So I didn't notice anything till april or something, I just talked to him in school (but not much) and I considered him as a friend. When we got to the middle of april we talked even more, and I began falling for him, though I thought he had no feelings for me. Around my birthday we started hanging out at night, walking around with my dog and one of his friends (I met him "accidently" one night, I just "happened" to walk by his house with one of my friends), I got his number and he wrote "Happy Birthday" to me when it was my birthday. When school ended we hung out just the two of us, and I was really in to him at that time. So during the summer we talked about what was happening between us, we talked on the phone for several hours at night until my dad got angry with me. I told this boy eventually that I was in love with him, although we had never even shared as much as a kiss. He told me that he had never been in love with a girl. I was sure that something would eventually happen between us. Then august came and we talked more than ever at the beginning. One night we had a really intimate talk and I felt good about it for days. And suddenly we didn't talk as much as we used to. I was still feeling the same way about him when I started high school, and there were some things I wanted to talk to him about. Suddenly we hadn't spoken for weeks and I didn't even notice. Well, I did, but I didn't feel that it was that urgent. One night he called me while I was at a party and told me that he had been out drinking with a friend of his, whom I know, and the friend's girlfriend. And then it was a while before we spoke again. We began to drift apart slowly, and one day I spoke to him over MSN and he told me, that he thought nothing was going on between us even though we hadn't spoken about it. So I was kind of pissed at him, I didn't want to speak to him again.
One day a couple of weeks after around the end of september, I ran in to his friend. I started asking him about his new girlfriend, but he said he didn't have one, but on the other hand the guy I had been in love with had gotten one. I asked for her name which (funny enough) was the same as I've heard before. This made me even more pissed.
I started moving on and suddenly one night on my way to an office party, he wrote to me and asked if I was going, and I discovered that he had gotten a job at the same company as me. I didn't speak to him that night.. (this was in october).
I still haven't spoken to him since last time, even though he texted me a couple of times.
Actually I still think of this as one of the reasons 2009 was such a great year. I got a lot of experience in dealing with boys (both good an bad).

So I had stress.. This was mainly caused by the tests I took and my so called 'love life' (my mom thinks I'm lonely now, because I don't talk to any boys). For a month I walked around at home reading for these tests and it stressed me out completely. When summer finally made it's entrance, my mom told me, I should see a shrink. I still haven't.

My sense for fashion started last spring when I started reading all sorts of magazines, searching the internet and asking my friends for advice. Now people are asking me where I got my clothes and complementing me -- I always had a very boring style.
London also helped me along quite well, I bought my first Vogue (I was so excited!) called "Better Dash than Cash". It's my most beloved magazine. Elle also started publishing in danish and I have been buying some copies of those too.

About the part where I talked about stepping up for my self; I learned that from several fights with my stepdad, and I think both my mom and stepdad were surprised when I started to back up my arguments in discussions. This is something I have never done, and I'm actually proud of it. I guess that's what high school's done to me. Or maybe I'm just getting older.

Well, 2009 has been a year where I gained friends and crushes, then lost a couple of them. I have been smiling a lot more the last year than I did in 2008. I've grown a lot, I've become more independent (at least, that's what I've been told) and in total, I would say that I've become more me than I've ever been

It's january 2nd ( :O ) and I haven't even flipped out yet. Well, I'm almost flipping out, school starts in two days, and i have to work tomorrow, so that barely counts for a day .. Grr.

Anyways, the last couple of days have been great actually. I spent New Year's with two of my friends, and we had fun. It was nice and quiet, but, hey, there's another New Year's at the end of the year, maybe I'll find a party then?

I'm glad I didn't stress out this year. It helped a little that I had a lot to drink, but the point is: I didn't freak out. I am now, a little bit, but that's fine. Mostly I'm freaking out because I watched the last episode of the DVD box with Gossip Girl, and THAT scares me a little.
Gossip Girl ended (for a while), but my life is just starting. I've gone through one sixth of my time on Rysensteen (my school), and I don't feel like we've begun at all. Still I feel that time is passing by to fast. Christmas break lasts for three weeks, and now those three weeks are (*POOF*) gone.

I'm reading a book called "Big Mouth and Ugly Girl", and though time is passing by fast, it's not when I'm reading in English. I have to write a little resumé of each chapter, and I also have to notice things about some of the characters. And I have to write that down as well. So that takes up most of my time today, except I'm also going to the movies with a friend.

My mom thinks that I should see a shrink. She thought that for a while and now I agree. But now she thinks that the stress isn't serious enough, so she's avoiding to talk about it. I think, maybe she's embarassed that her daughter needs help. But if I don't get help now it will take me down, and maybe I won't be able to have a normal job when I grow up, because I couldn't handle to get a good eduation.. I don't want that, and I don't think my mom wants that either.

I flipped my calendar today. For the first time. It has little sarcastic comics on it. Today it's a drawing of a woman and a man (it's his birthday), and the woman is saying (happy): "I just got a text. Your sister just gave birth! A little girl..." and then the man breaks in: "Nooooooooooo! This is not happening! Everyone will forget that today is MY birthday! I already hate that fucking little, thunder-stealing shithead!". I think that describes most danish people in a nutshell. It's all; me, me, me, me, me, me, ME! Everyone is so selfish and it's so frustrating.

After COP15 we've all been very disappointed. We didn't get a deal and we were SO close. When the COP was going on, the police of Copenhagen had reinforcements send in from Sweden and Germany to prevent anything from happening. But on december 12th when there was a huge demonstration, the police let people sit on the freezing ground for several hours. Of course they appologized after the "incident" but that's not useful. I saw a picture of two policemen holding single man to the ground, while the man was sitting as still and peaceful as he could, and he just looked into the camera and said: "This is what democracy looks like." I loved the sarcasm. Why don't we have the right to say what we want and have the opinions we want. I mean, they say that we have the rights to say whatever we want. Apparently we don't.

I don't like living in our society. I don't just mean Denmark, I mean the World. When we make big gatherings with the most important people on the entire planet, then still there's people who want to ruin it. It's not just the police who are wrong about how they treat people. 'Cause there's a reason they had to go this far. It's not nice when you, on your way home from school, has to see several humanbeings being frisked. We don't usually see these things in Denmark. We have one of the lowest violence rates in the World, but when we try to do something nice, we have to protect ourselves against it. I don't like living in a world where we have to protect ourselves before we can protect our surroundings. I mean, nature is the only reason we're here, why can't we accept that nature's the only thing that can make sure we'll keep on surviving. Why can't we just make our decisions nice and quiet without our fellow humanbeings trying to spoil it with bombs and anthrax? If we ruin our options now, we are also ruining our own chances.
Apparently there are people who do not want to be alive in 50 years.
Apparently there are people who do not want their children and grandchildren to be able to live on our planet.
Apparently there are people who do not want their descendants to enjoy our society and the things we worked so hard at gaining (just an example: DEMOCRACY).
Apparently there are people who do not want these things to rule our world.
What do they want then? Dictatorship? I thought we were sending recruits to all sorts of places in the world to prevent this?
It's not nice to know that there are people out there (although few) who forces our police walking around hand-in-hand with Home Guard walking around on the streets to keep us safe. I know we're trying to protect the important people from being attacked, but does that mean that we, the "mortals" have to be frisked?

Sorry, this has been during outbreaks for a couple of weeks.

Now I'm going to eat chocolate cake .